My entire 2009 belongs on the front page of failblog.org so far. Saying nothing about the fact that there's probably already an rss feed of the past 24 years of my life streaming somewhere onto the site.
I'm characteristically downplaying a really big change I'm attempting to initiate right now. I'm on day three of the p90x program right now and I'm fucking sore all over but I love it and think I'm gonna stick with it. I'm gonna try to blog about it fairly consistently (keyword being "try") to try to chart my progress with it because it's something I feel really strongly about right now.
There are so many things in my life that I desperately need to fix that are probably more important than body-stuff, but this is the one that I feel like I can exert the most immediate degree of control and influence over. And it's something I whine about a lot. I feel like if I can actually follow through with this commitment for 90 days and change this part of myself and get stronger/better it'll help carry that momentum into other areas of my life. I'm gonna chart my progress with pictures every 30-ish days I guess and see if I can objectively notice any difference instead of just whining about nothing happening.
So anyway, that's what I'll be doing for the next three months. I'm trying not to expect a miracle because I ALSO have to change my eating habits which is.. hard. But the way I see it, I probably won't get any WORSE. And I HAVE to get at at least a little better.
I tried making a tech joke but it might not even be accurate. I never really understood how rss feeds work. God damn it EVERYTHING FAILS.
My first dream that I remember having in 2009 was possibly the most disturbing of my life -- I went up to the North Pole and brutally raped and murdered Mrs. Claus. Seriously graphic shit, even for me. I vividly remember fisting (I actually just typed "visiting" -- well, that too, I guess) her really violently and then slicing off her nipples and biting all her skin off while wildly beating her, and then fucking her to death. I very distinctly remember the exact feeling of doing all of this and I still cringe when I think about it. What the fuck, dude.. I LOVE Mrs. Claus -- I always thought she was a fucking dirty ass crazy fuck and did some amazing vag-strengthening exercise shit. I didn't necessarily think she fucked all the elves but I'm sure she did SOMETHING to keep them in line, not to mention having glacier-shattering sex with pepaw husband and keeping him relatively jolly. Not to mention being the star of one of the greatest movies of all time --
Uh... what was I talking about? Oh, right. The dream. It sucked.
That was on January 2, and things haven't really improved much since then. It's been a long, hard (throbbing) winter, and I've been a fucking wreck throughout most of it. I never really got over the sickness crap I posted about back in November and all that strep throat shit (pretty much everyone in my life unanimously agreed that I need to stop rimming so much). I've been sick on and off for four months now and it's frustrating as a motherfucker -- before this year I was never sick unless I WANTED to be. I generally had a couple of days of incapacitating allergies in the spring and fall and that was it.
I know it's mostly related to stress and taking really bad care of myself. My relationship pretty much fell apart, as did several friendships, and as usual I'm not getting enough sleep or washing my hands after using the bathroom and spending too much time on the subway and eating crappy pasta from work every single day instead of something more nutritious. Point noted, I'm taking care of it. I started taking stupid lame ass vitamins even though I still don't think they do anything except make my nasty asparagus-scented pee even nastier. We'll see.
That was on January 2, and things haven't really improved much since then. It's been a long, hard (throbbing) winter, and I've been a fucking wreck throughout most of it. I never really got over the sickness crap I posted about back in November and all that strep throat shit (pretty much everyone in my life unanimously agreed that I need to stop rimming so much). I've been sick on and off for four months now and it's frustrating as a motherfucker -- before this year I was never sick unless I WANTED to be. I generally had a couple of days of incapacitating allergies in the spring and fall and that was it.
I know it's mostly related to stress and taking really bad care of myself. My relationship pretty much fell apart, as did several friendships, and as usual I'm not getting enough sleep or washing my hands after using the bathroom and spending too much time on the subway and eating crappy pasta from work every single day instead of something more nutritious. Point noted, I'm taking care of it. I started taking stupid lame ass vitamins even though I still don't think they do anything except make my nasty asparagus-scented pee even nastier. We'll see.
I'm characteristically downplaying a really big change I'm attempting to initiate right now. I'm on day three of the p90x program right now and I'm fucking sore all over but I love it and think I'm gonna stick with it. I'm gonna try to blog about it fairly consistently (keyword being "try") to try to chart my progress with it because it's something I feel really strongly about right now.
There are so many things in my life that I desperately need to fix that are probably more important than body-stuff, but this is the one that I feel like I can exert the most immediate degree of control and influence over. And it's something I whine about a lot. I feel like if I can actually follow through with this commitment for 90 days and change this part of myself and get stronger/better it'll help carry that momentum into other areas of my life. I'm gonna chart my progress with pictures every 30-ish days I guess and see if I can objectively notice any difference instead of just whining about nothing happening.
All the workouts are crazy hard but the second day, plyometrics, was the only one I couldn't actually finish. I'm still sore from doing chest and back three days ago, and I'm sure I'll be feeling it in my arms and shoulders tomorrow after this morning's workout, but strength training has always been easier for me than long cardio/jumping sessions. Because I don't really sweat I tend to get overheated and dizzy and wobbly and pathetic. As with all activities I do (....), I can go really hard and intense for brief spurts but never really have the stamina to keep up that pace for prolonged periods of time. Relative to the first two, arms and shoulders this morning was kind of easy -- as soon as I can afford it I think I need to move up to 20lb weights.
Here are my before pictures -- and yes, they're right, these DO work as an excellent motivational tool. Ughghghghh...
I know it could be a lot worse, but... it can also be a lot better.
So anyway, that's what I'll be doing for the next three months. I'm trying not to expect a miracle because I ALSO have to change my eating habits which is.. hard. But the way I see it, I probably won't get any WORSE. And I HAVE to get at at least a little better.
It's quiet outside right now. There was a cat that must've been in heat or something just fucking SCREAMING for almost two weeks. She stopped briefly during the snowstorm (by the way, fucking weathermen measure snowfall the same way that guys measure their penises -- I don't know where they get all that extra measurement from but six inches is never anywhere NEAR nine inches. I swear to god that most people use centimeters. anyway --) but then started up again right after. Either she died of horniness or just got fucked really good and stopped complaining. Either way, I completely relate.
With how upset and shitty I've been lately it's been a shame that I haven't really been able to get lost in a story/book the way I usually do as a coping mechanism, but I've been stuck on War and Peace for a while now and I'm making very, very, very slow progress through it. I don't... I mean... It's not a bad book, obviously, but I'm 400 pages in and I still don't care about any of the characters or what's going on. Someone -- I used to think it was Virginia Woolf but I think it was Isaac Babel -- said that if the world could write by itself, it would write like Tolstoy. I kind of agree. But the problem is that I HATE the world, and all the people in it. So...
I love Anna Karenina. I don't know why I can't get myself into this right now.
By contrast, I started reading the Lucifer graphic novel series and I'm completely hooked on THAT. It's probably not fair to War and Peace to have it be competing with a comic for my attention span, though.
I love Anna Karenina. I don't know why I can't get myself into this right now.
By contrast, I started reading the Lucifer graphic novel series and I'm completely hooked on THAT. It's probably not fair to War and Peace to have it be competing with a comic for my attention span, though.
Alright, ugh, I should get dressed and head out. Hopefully I'll be writing more regularly.
Peace and Fece(s)
Rob
