Welcome the Prince of Puke!

I've been (tentatively) wanting to penetrate my way back into the blogging world for a while now. So let me vomit on my cybercock and slide it back in, slowly.

I have a weird relationship with blogging. I've had countless fights and squabbles over it, and I've violently fluctuated between posting every single thought and event that happened to me and thinking the whole thing was disgusting and overly indulgent. I have the chronic problem that most shy people with low self esteem have -- desperate for external acknowledgment, and being unable to either find what we need inside of ourselves or find it through natural human interaction, we're left desperately clawing at the internet ether for some source of validation. Unfortunately, going along with the whole shy/low self-esteem thing is a sometimes neurotic and obsessive need for privacy, which seems very counter productive to keeping a consistent public record of our life and thoughts.

Plus, on a personal level, I'm terrified that the Reptilians are tracking my every move and I should give them as little ammo as possible. But since they've most likely already probed my ass and read my mind (which is pretty much the same as reading 120 Days of Sodom so really I wish they would just leave me alone, although they probably did get a lot of new rectal torture ideas from me) anything I say here probably won't make a difference.

When I start writing in a format and using a platform that encourages every sentence beginning with the letter "I" I have a tendency to become extremely morose and faux-soul-searchingly lugubrious and angsty. And it goes on. And on. And on. So I'm going to try something a little different and keep slightly more structure to this. I'm gonna try to keep it relatively light and humorous, and try to save the more whiny shit for my personal journal. I need to get back in the habit of writing consistently again -- in that sense, my personal journal doesn't count, because I'm so lazy with grammar and structure and content that it doesn't use any of the writing muscles at all. Writing for an audience is a lot different and makes me think a lot harder, and I want to do it as much as possible.

As a secondary function I'd like it to help keep all my friends semi-updated with what's going on in my life, since I'm shitty and lazy and any time I sit at the computer to write an email I usually just end up jerking off and then reloading dlisted.com over and over again and then eat and go to bed.

So, hi -- add me, subscribe, whatever, and I promise to try my hardest to keep you entertained and make you laugh, or at least disgust you slightly. Or, if nothing else, at least leave you feeling good about yourself, in a "god, it could be so much worse, at least I'm not HIM..." kind of way. Maybe I'll even make you orgasm from such a sudden influx of self esteem.

I'm nothing if not altruistic.